Friday, September 30, 2011

I am ready

To come home later tonight and kiss my son endless. I missed him, and J of course, and our little apartment. The overnight vacation did me good. I think it's good for my me, my soul to really miss my kid because I haven't seen him for more than 24 hours. It's like, the love you have for your kid becomes more... intense, in a manner of speaking, when you truly miss them because you haven't really seen them in a while.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Even moms need a break

I've been stressed lately to the point that I can't help but burst into tears in the comfort of darkness and solidarity. I'm not sure if it's because of my raging hormones or what, coupled with a terrible two...

I've been asking myself lately if I'm being too strict, too stiff, too whatever as I find myself raising my voice and being a little to rough on my little boy. It's heartbreaking when he'd cry but I still myself from crumbling down and retracting what I said as I wanted him to exhibit good manners as early as now. I know he's just two but when should I start if I wanted him to grow up as a gentleman, to almost always be on his best behavior? I sometimes think I did something wrong along the way that it's quite difficult to contain his temperament right now and that it's quite a bit late to start teaching him discipline.

I'm on an emotional rollercoaster ride and it's stressing and frustrating and I feel as if I'm a failure at being a mom and I'm even tearing up right now just thinking about it.

I need a break from it. Just to be by myself again, to find myself, as I find it a little too hard to just cope right now. J's not asking me what's wrong anyway and it's not in my nature to just blurt it out. It's not healthy for our relationship, I know, but I need someone to ask me why, how are you, and I need him to do it. It's difficult for me to just suddenly open up and confront people as I'm not that type. So I want and need him to ask me first.

I'm going to take a break. Just for a night. I'm going to stay with my parents and take a breather. I know most moms would prefer to be with their child 24/7 or at least, every sleeping and waking moment. I want that, too, but I think it's time I step back and do something for myself for a change. Besides, I haven't been away from Jack-Jack since he was born. I would go out and have fun but in the end, I would snuggle to him to sleep at night. He went with me on teambuildings and other overnight escapades. So it's going to be a challenge later on, for me and for him. But I think it would benefit us both. I wouldn't be there to challenge his every move and I wouldn't be concerned on his behavior.

There are a lot more things I want to say and to get out of my system but it might not sound coherent at all. So I'll just end this and good luck to me as I miss him already.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Babywearing Meet 3 - some insights

Babywearing Meet parts 1 and 2 were held at Starbucks Fort. The first one consisted of only a small group of people, more or less 20 people including the organizers. It was held last May and it was quite informal. The different types of carriers were introduced and those who came wanting to learn the slings they bought or received were given attention and were taught how to properly use them.

Babywearing Meet 2 was held last July 2. And it was such a success since there were a lot of moms and some dads who went. We crowded at the 2nd floor of Startbucks Fort. It was a bit chaotic as there were a lot of moms but there were more... instructors (the momprenuers who make/sell the carriers) who assisted the newbies. I was there to, well, observe, really. And see if there's anything new I'd learn or there's a new product out there I'd be able to try.

The third one was held last Saturday, September 24, at Gymboree in Shangri-La. It was more organized and structured, as there was a presentation by Jen Tan about the history and safety guidelines in babywearing. There was a newcomer to the meet, the makers of a wrap called the Bailey Wrap which Jenny came across thru me, most likely. Haha. It was the wrap that really made me want to go there although I already had plans since I wanted to go gathering with like-minded parents when I am available. It was so exciting as I wanted to try using a wrap every since I was pregnant with my first but the wraps were only available online and shipping and the price itself were something I had to think about lots of times. So, with the coming of a local maker of wraps, how can I resist?

I tried it and I liked it! I want it for my new baby. I have a picture at Eli's blog using it with Jack-Jack with Grace, the marketer/co-owner of Bailey Wrap. I want to buy one now while my belly's not yet so big and I want to try using it for a back carry. Hee.

But, I will wait. My cousin promised me she'd buy it for me. If all else fails and I'm not patient enough, I'd buy a manly color so J can use it and practice already before the new baby comes.


Links to blogs of previous meets:
Chronicles of a Nursing Mom
Mimma Benz

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Potty-training at night had started

Last night, as per usual for quite some time now, we had difficulty getting Jack-Jack into his nighttime diaper. We already let him wear just briefs during the day as we’re already potty-training him so it’s only during the night that we put him in diaper to avoid leaks on the bed. However, since we’re always fighting on getting him to wear his diaper, I decided last night to just let him sleep in his brief and just use his old comforter as some sort of protection in case he’d pee during the night. J and I actually agreed before that we’d let him sleep without a diaper when we finally buy him his own bed. But I wanted the constant struggle at night to stop so we let him be last night.

As we sleep and I’d wake up during the night to use the toilet, I would constantly feel if Jack-Jack already peed. And I would always sigh in relief and say a quick thank you when I feel that he’s dry. I’d also try to check if his bottom was still safe on top of the old comforter.

Thankfully, as the sun rose, Jack-Jack stayed dry. And when he finally woke up, I half-convinced half-dragged him to the toilet to let him pee. And I praised him and told him he did a good job staying dry during the night.

All in all, it was a liberating experience. I know we would have leaks some nights as Jack-Jack’s still in training. But the important thing was, we started to really stop using diapers, even at night.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

My bad

I weaned from the pump almost 2 months ago already and Jack-Jack had been drinking Nido when I'm in the office. He also already consumed the frozen breastmilk I've stocked. When I first stopped pumping, I instructed his nanny to use up the breastmilk I've stocked in the freezer and supplement with half a cup of Nido. However, I forgot to tell her that once all the frozen milk were gone, Jack-Jack be given full glasses already.

And so it only dawned on me my mistake when Jack-Jack came back from his pedia that he was underweight. It was recommended that he take Pediasure so that his weight would catch up with his height. However, since we just bought a new box of Nido, I told his nanny to just give him at least 2 glasses of milk and let him eat frequently and as much as he wants.

It's really hard to be a parent, much more a mother. Especially since I'm already expecting another little one to take care of, my mind seems to wander more often to the future than in the present. At least, there's no lasting harm done, I think. Jack-Jack's a voracious eater, anyway, especially when he likes the food, so there's no doubt in my mind that he'd be gaining weight soon enough. Besides which, he's also a very active boy, so I'm not too worried. But I am guilty. But that's besides the point.