Friday, July 16, 2010

Mothering is a continuous learning process

Right when I thought I was already being careful, Jack-Jack would become sick and I'd have to swallow the truth that I've been remiss in some things. But then again, it's something I'm willing to learn, to get pounded into my head, so that I would remember and take action.

Jack-Jack suddenly developed a fever yesterday. It grew from 37 degrees to 39 when I got home. His nanny said he started feeling warm after his afternoon nap. My in-laws were there at that time so they were the ones who took my son's temperature. When I got home, he was lying limp on his sitter's arms, leaning on her shoulder as he peered at me through the screen door. He was hot when I took him. I was too alarmed at how and why he suddenly fevered up I forgot a lot of things like my meeting this morning in which I had to bring my share of food and the money I have to get to reserve his first birthday location.

He became somewhat active as the night wore on. I'd like to think it was because he kind of felt better that I was already there, his mom, at his beck and call. He was still hot but he's interacting with us already, unlike when I just got home and he was very limp and clingy.

It was a kind of roller coaster ride during sleep time. He'd wake up, crying, hurting, and we'd have to rock him to sleep as sometimes, he wouldn't even take to the breast. J and I would take turns rocking him but Jack-Jack mostly wants me to carry him.

Then the next day, today, he was still hot but at least, he was, at least, still active, as if he wasn't that sick. I told myself I'd just come home during lunch break to see how he was and to reassure myself that he's going to get ok. I couldn't concentrate while preparing to leave, unsure as to what I can bring to the monthly breakfast meeting, what time I would pump milk, what time I can come home then go back to work... I was kind of distracted until my MIL texted me that they're there at home during lunch time already to take care of my baby. I felt usurped, useless, inept. I should be the one at home, comforting my baby. I know it's not good to feel that way but it just kind of piled up to a lot of issues that I wasn't feeling too relieved that someone was looking out for Jack-Jack other than our trusty nanny. It's just like, I felt that my role was robbed from me. Especially after finding out that he has "pilay" and "lamig" all over his back.

But anyway, at least he's loads better now. He's still warm but at least he wasn't hot like last night. And he's more active, as if he isn't sick at all. Thank God.

And my point? I'll let you in on it tomorrow. For now, we'll go and have some dinner then have a much deserved rest.


Part 2 here.

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